According to Professor Bradley Wright, a sociologist at the University of Connecticut, among people who identify as Christians but rarely attend church, that 60 percent of these have been divorced. Of those who attend church regularly, 38 percent have been divorced. Bradley R.E. Wright, Christians Are Hate-Filled Hypocrites … and Other Lies You’ve Been Told, (Minneapolis, MN: Bethany House, 2010), p. 133.
This book was published in 2010, so I would like an updated statistic, but I would suspect between then and now the statistic would likely have gotten higher. I don't know about you, but I have never attended any church made up of 38% divorced people! So where are all the divorced Christians then? In my observation, divorced Christians stop attending church for three main reasons.
Condemnation
I was told by my Pastor's wife that I was going to hell, there was nobody else for me whilst he's still alive and it's all over for you. Well if that's not condemning I don't know what is and that would be more than enough for most people never to enter a church again. But even if you weren't condemned so blatantly by your church leaders, sometimes that condemnation comes from within. It's easy to feel like a failure and unworthy of God's love when we were unable to uphold that Christian ideal we held so strongly. John 1:9 says:
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from ALL unrighteousness." (emphasis mine)
For some reason the church tends to put divorce into a separate category of sin, right along with adultery or fornication, but that is unbiblical. There is no disclaimer in brackets that says (except divorce). Praise God!
Confusion
It's the question most of us have asked at some point in our lives. If God loves me why would he let this happen to me? and God hates divorce, just one of the verses hurled at a hurting person instead of compassion and grace.
God created us with free will. He cannot revoke that, because then we would have a society of robots rather than living breathing humans who have to make a daily decision to live like Jesus. This means that sometimes we are victims of people exercising that freedom in destructive ways (including ourselves sometimes, ouch). But unlike some who would have us believe God is staring down at us with judgement, he is extending his hand of love and grace. Psalm 34:18 says:
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit"
Exclusion
Many churches are family-centric (click here to read an article outlining the issues for singles in the church today) thereby excluding or failing to cater for those who do not fit into that category. I don't believe this is a deliberate exclusion, but simply that most church leaders are married and have never experienced divorce or long-term singleness and so the issue is not front of mind for them.
So is going back to church worth the risk?
The church is making progress in the area of divorce and singleness, but still has a long way to go. Look for a church that offers a divorce recovery program. Even if you feel like you're sufficiently recovered and don't need a divorce recovery program, the fact that they offer that implies they take a more compassionate approach. Maybe you can become a facilitator and lend an understanding ear to those who have also suffered the pain of divorce.